Why the new Star Trek bothers me

For a while, I’ve been ranting about the new “Star Trek” movie by J.J.Abrams and written by Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman. This morning I finally realized why it bothers me and why the line “OMG, boobies in Star Trek?” makes me giggle.

First, let’s take a look at the list of main Star Trek characters in the series:

  • The Original Series: James T. Kirk, Spock, Dr Leonard “Bones” McCoy, Montgomery Scott, Hikaru Sulu, Pavel Checkov, Uhura (and let’s throw Christopher Pike just for the sake of it.)
  • The Next Generation: Jean-Luc Picard, William Riker, Geordi La Forge, Worf, Beverly Crusher, Wesley Crusher, Deanna Troi, Data.
  • Deep Space Nine: Benjamin Sisko, Kira Nerys, Odo, Julian Bashir, Jadzia Dax, Quark, Miles O’Brien, Jake Sisko, Worf (yes, again), Ezi Dax.
  • Voyager: Kathryn Janeway, Chakotay, Tuvok, B’Elanna Torres, Tom Paris, Harry Kim, The Doctor, Neelix, Kes, Seven of Nine
  • Enterprise: Jonathan Archer, T’Pol, Charles Tucker III, Malcolm Reed, Hoshi Sato, Travis Mayweather, Phlox.

    Go on. Go clicky-clicky and try to find the two that doesn’t fit. I’ll wait.

    Did you spot the two?

    Ok, the answer is: Wesley Crusher and Jake Sisko (although I made it hard for you to noticed why Jake doesn’t belong there.) They are the only teenagers in the whole list of series that were main characters (there we some kids in “Voyager”, but they would appear in only one or two episodes.) All the others look like they are in the late twentys or early thirties (with a few exceptions that look more like they are getting into their fourtys.) And that also includes non-human, ageless forms, like Odo, Data and the Doctor, and the ones with longer lifes, like the Vulcans. Even the youngest crew of all series, the Voyager (they were going into final training before going officially into service when they were transported to the Delta Quadrant) looks like they were in the later twentys.

    And that’s why the new Star Trek bothers me. All the actors (with the exception of McCoy) look like they are in their early twentys and in full operational status already. Even in the original series, when the Enterprise goes into its official mission of “explore strange, new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations”, Kirk looks like he’s in the late thirties. And now you have a Kirk that looks like he just out of puberty.

    Yes, there were boobs in the TOS. But they belonged to mature females, not some out of puberty, hormone full chick.

    To me, it looks like the tone of Star Trek changed from “When you get out of your studies and do some real life training, you may be a member of the most important ship of the human race” to “jump into the most important ship of the human race! All you need to do is be able to talk!”. Sign of the times, maybe, when you’re supposed to finish college and be a full experienced whatever-they-call-you-in-the-field. But, still, Star Trek looks a little bit tainted with an “easy way to get there” view.

    But, then again, I’m an old trekkie (although I never remember if the proper way is trekker or trekkie…)

links for 2008-11-20

The best of the Bad Slashdot

As I was expecting, a lot of geek hate on Slashdot article about the new Star Trek trailer. Basically, it’s the same thing I’m saying since the very first real thing. But here, let me show you some of the best or the worst of Slashdot:

#25794021:

As both franchise got similarly raped by dubious quality prequels

I had some hopes for this movie, because I like JJ Abrams. Now that I’ve seen the trailer, I can’t help but agree with you. Holy crap, what is so hard about making good star trek movies? They have so much background to choose from, finding the right story should be easy.

Actually, I know what the problem is. They see the fanbase as a bonus, not as the target demographic. We have these people who are going to see the movie no matter what, so might as well aim for a completely different demographic. This way we get the other people AND the trek nerds!!!

#25795543:

Hmmmmm, Scotty, Kirk, McCoy, Spock, Uhuru, Sulu and Checkov all at the academy at the same time despite the differences in age. Yeah, this is gonna’ suck.

Yup, it’s becoming more and more apparent that Abrams has no regard whatsoever for the history of the series. McCoy was older than both Kirk and Spock (so was Scotty, but not by much), and Sulu, Uhura, and especially Chekov were all younger than Kirk… Chekov was a freakin’ ensign, and didn’t even join the series until year two. Now Abrams has them all at the academy at the same time?

This isn’t Star Trek. It’s Starfleet 90210.

#25794117:

I noticed something wrong too: if you watch the trailer closely, you’ll notice that it looks like this movie is shit.

#25794091:

As has already been mentioned this looks more like a Summer Blockbluster then anything else. I was expecting to see Will Smith strut into a scene with a cigar splutting a corney one-liner.

ST is old. We have had 18 YEARS of non-stop Trek (TNG aired in 1987, Enterprise ended in 2005) and reusing the same script for many of those shows. We were/are tired of seeing the same thing over and over again. You know what we are not tired of?

Hope, charisma, and a calm assurance of success.

TOS had this in spades, and we responded with resounding joy. The others all took a piece of that formula, but none had it the same.

This movie looks like it has nothing to offer but flash and CGI. The original Kirk could have just as easily been a pirate-ship captain; he was cunning, daring, full of guile, and a swashbuckler. This new Kirk looks like Prep-School prankster.

This reboot looks like it has lost the original intent. That is why it will fail.

#25794811:

My favorite of the TOS movies was 6 because the enemy overestimated Kirk’s racism and underestimated his intelligence and dedication to duty. The turning point was when, instead of starting the war he was expected to start, he said “signal our surrender.” In TOS, Kirk was never a warmonger or really prone to violence at all. Not a hothead. Maybe these people watched the old series and noticed all the fights and shit without noticing that Kirk didn’t start hardly any of it. And when he did start a fight, it was more to prove a point or to keep someone else from having to fight. Kirk doesn’t like losing. Anything. That’s the fundamental truth of Kirk.

I don’t expect this movie to show an old, wise, thoughtful Kirk, but let’s not turn him into a stereotypic cocky youth.

WTF

I just got this email:

to: Admin – If You want to delete your site from my spam list, please sent url of your domain to my emai: stop.web.spam@gmail.com
And I will remove your site from my base within 24 hours
webmastegz

PS. As the previous address of an e-mail has been removed also all letters on it have been lost I is compelled to make this dispatch once again.
PS2. To send url your site on an e-mail stop.web.spam@gmail.com is a unique way to avoid a spam from me. To write abuses to the various “stop spam” sites – it is useless.
PS3. Your addresses of an e-mail are not necessary to me, you can create an e-mail through free service and send me yours url through this e-mail
PS4. sorry for my bad English :)

So, you know you’re a fucking retarded spammer, but you want to look nice and give me a chance to stop spam ON MY BLOG? I think it’s weird that the fucktard didn’t say something like “Oh, nice blog you have there… Would it be a shame if something happened to it, don’t you think?”

Funny fact is that I didn’t really got this as a comment. Spam Karma got it first and I almost lost it.

Death Race (2008)

IMDB plot synopsis:

Ex-con Jensen Ames is forced by the warden of a notorious prison to compete in our post-industrial world’s most popular sport: a car race in which inmates must brutalize and kill one another on the road to victory.

After seeing this movie, I had just one question in my head: “Why they still do things like this?” Completely weak plot, no amazing twists, a lot of “perfect things just happen” and such… Oh, but at least you learn that female inmates can get hair care, make up and look like models — No exception.

It’s a sad movie. Sad ’cause you sit there for around two hours and realize you just got into a bad movie. I mean, yeah, Jason Statham is the new Bruce Willis with Chuck Norris round-house kicks and you hope he’ll deliver some amazing action (a la the first Transporter) but… no.

Also, the main thing in the movie, the race itself, could only be described as “Based on video game events.” It surreal and, to be honest, boring. To be honest, after seeing a racing movie with Jackie Chan’s Thunderbolt, every racing movie looks boring. The fact that, in Death Race, you have power ups, super vehicles and an incredible connection with the main characters that they only need to exchange a few words to come up with an incredible plan makes the race completely absurd and dull.

The really only impressed thing is that IMDB says it’s 6.8 of 10. It should be way lower than that.