JulioBiason.Net

Last night, I and my “honorary little brother” went to Dado Bier to hang together and drink some cold ones. They weren’t really cold ones (and went to normal temperature quite quickly), but it was really fun, nonetheless.

One of the funny things we do is play each other psychologist. He tells me his problems, I tell him mines and we keep juggling them between each other, trying to help each other. One of the things we talked was about my dream of the burning forest.

First, let me put this: I was quite tired of being seated all time and I was on my foot when we explained what he thought.

In his vision, the forest is something pure, something natural (yeah, I told him what my psychologist told, so he accepted it and added a little bit). The explosion is the change. I started the explosion, so I want a change. And this change means losing my purity, the things that I was starting to accept.

At this time, I had to seat down again. Somewhat it made sense to me.

But there is something I just realized: to create the explosion, I hit the gas pipe with a shovel. To me, it seems that the shovel means work. So my work is hitting my energy and destroying my instincts.

And I have to hear two girls saying “Women are complicated”. Yeah, right. I had more issues than the Playboy magazine.

Today on the psychologist, we had a talk about an old dream I had, the first one I told to my first psychologist. It is about a forest, a gas pipe, I hitting the pipe, everything blowing up and the forest burning.

The first psychologist just said it was that the forest was my potential and seeing it burn meant that I felt I was losing my potential. Today I had another vision of it.

The forest is natural, and a pipe is manufactured. The pipe is a way to conduct energy (gas) on a controlled manner. So we have the conflict between a natural thing and a purely manufactured, un-natural, thing. The explosion is the conflict between the natural and the artificial. Also, there is nothing so human manufactured than the area I work with, and there is nothing more natural than the instincts that took me over a few months.

That made me thing, again, that I’m in the wrong working area. See, I follow my instincts, I choose code paths just because I have this feeling that this thing will work better than other things, even if I can’t explain why. And that’s nothing people expect from someone in this area: things work or don’t because a reason and I can’t explain this.

Also, there is something really really annoying me: Every time I hear “Coming back to life”, exactly where it says “For killing the past and coming back to life”, I can feel tears coming to me for some unknown reason. And I can’t stop thinking that I have this feeling of leaving everything behind and starting over on a different place, with different people.

Maybe the time has come. Time to kill my past and coming back to life…

I think the results of going to the psychologist finally kick in.

This morning I woke up with the feeling that my bed was completely covered with notes in the size of post-it notes. And it was cold and I didn’t have a blanket. And I had to put the notes together to create the blanket. The problem was that the notes didn’t simply stick together: I had to find which notes had something similar written on them to stick them together.

Talk about confusion…

Another weird dream. And you must know that, just before falling asleep, I was playing the new version of FreeCiv, and one of the new options is that you can change field to use hexagonal tiles instead of square tiles.

So, there was this guy talking with his son about taxes. So he goes saying that everything was nice and peaceful, ‘till the government came with a tax like “you cannot step on cement”. You know, like young child playing “don’t step on cement” on sidewalks…

So, as he was explaining this to his son, in a very paternal voice, there was a yellow dog trying to walk in the sidewalk without stepping in the cement. And the father goes “you can walk, but you can’t step on the cement. Every time you step on it, you must press the red tile and start over”. And there really was a big, red tile in the right side of the sidewalk where the dog was. And, exactly when the father’s voice is in “step on it”, the dog steps on the cement, goes in the canine way of “something happened!” and then “I’m sad”, steps on the red tiles and start over.

After walking the block, father, son and dog, cross a street, and follow it. The kid says something like “now we can walk on the asphalt!” but the father says no, ’cause it is too dangerous. And this is the first time I feel I was inside my own dream, as I “said to myself” “screw this, I’m walking on asphalt anyway”. So, everyone walking on the sidewalk, I was walking in the asphalt and the father goes “But, luckily, things changed to…”

Now, I felt he was about to talk about the hexagonal tiles but, instead, there was a big, complete and amazing silence. I’m not kidding you here. I was waiting for some sound like the fan of my computer or my air-conditioner, but there was nothing. So I woke up and, surely, there was a big, complete and amazing silence. And was completely dark. It seems we had some power outage exactly when I was somewhat sleeping and somewhat waked up.

Someone here knows what dreams means?

I dreamt that I was in some kind of studio, on a small room with glass windows and cameras behind them. And the scenery was something like a yellow dry, solid ground/rock, like the ground in “The Gods Must Be Crazy”. And there was a hole in the middle of it, with some pipes/tubes going up and I had to “walk” over them or just stand up over them. And in the bottom of the hole, and over the ground, there was snakes. Lots of them. But, for some reason, even when I got some in my hands, they couldn’t/wouldn’t bite me. I mean, I really go the impression that some of them just ignored me, and some I hold in the right place and couldn’t move enough to bite me.

Weird, huh?

Edit: Actually, I decided to do my homework and found this:

Jung interpreted snakes as symbolic of the conflict between conscious attitudes and instincts.

and

To dream of many snakes in a pit is the foreboding of much bad luck in love or business.

and even

In its psychological interpretation a snake in your dream is a phallic symbol, and to dream of one, especially if it was coiled around you, or otherwise on your body, is a warning that you may be a slave to either your sexual passions or repression. However, according to the oracles, snakes in a dream are warnings of various troubles, obstacles, or treachery. Of course the colors and other details must be carefully considered, but as a general rule: to dream that you were bitten by one portends a period of struggle against unfortunate circumstances, and if it was a cobra, it carries a special warning to guard against accidents in the following few weeks. If your dream featured a snake wound around you which you could not throw off, you are being warned to expect treachery where you least suspect it. To dream of being surrounded and unable to kill more than one or two indicates that you are in danger of being seriously cheated by someone you trust, but if you managed to kill (or get rid of) them all, it is a sign that you will succeed in spite of any hostile opposition; to walk over snakes without trying to kill them suggests that you will, in the end, actually turn the tables on those who are trying to block your way. To dream of playfully handling snakes suggests that you are in danger of being led astray by unprincipled friends or associates; and if your dream featured a professional snake charmer at work, it indicates that you will have to defend your reputation against malicious gossip.

On the pipes:

The ability to meet your obligations and solve your own problems is promised in a dream of smoking a pipe, and this augury applies to any dream featuring a tobacco pipe, unless it was broken, in which case it signifies a parting from a valued friend. Plumbing pipes, gas pipes, or chemical pipes indicate that your pessimistic outlook tends to make you a victim of circumstances; try trading your worm’s-eye view for a bird’s-eye view.

also, more Freudian

Number three has in dreams symbolic meaning of man’s sexual organ. All dream ideas which consist of three parts can mean the man’s sexual organ. Phallus is symbolically substituted with all things that are similar to it by their form, namely long things that jut out: mountains, rocks, sticks, umbrellas, poles, trees… Then objects for which the penetration in the body and harming is characteristic - weapons: knifes, daggers, lances, sabres, swords… and fire arms: guns, rifles, revolvers, cannons… Obviously, the phallus is also substituted with objects from which water runs: pipes, watering-pots, fountains… and with objects that can be lengthened: hanging lights, extensible pens, aerials… Balloons, airplanes, helicopters, rockets, etc. are symbols of erection. Less evident male sexual symbols are reptiles and fish, especially a symbol of snake. A hat and a coat as well as various machines and appliances have the same meaning.

In case you are wondering, no, I didn’t kill myself this weekend. I got really depressed on Saturday for… hm… “some reason” but nothing that I wasn’t feeling before.

Anyway, as Saturday is my sleepy day, I took a small four hour nap in the afternoon, only to wake up with a weird dream still on my memory. For some reason, I spent the rest of the time I was awake putting some new ideas around that dream and I really liked the way it looked (inside my mind).

So it was about 2 am in the Sunday and I couldn’t sleep. Not because I slept almost all day, but because I couldn’t stop thinking about the story. So I decided to write it down. It was 3 am when I finally got down, completely tired, but satisfied.

And I spent part of Sunday in the story again. I don’t get in the point a want, and I’m still adding stuff to the story. In my mind, it is an amazing story, but, when I read it, it doesn’t fit on what I want. But I’ll got there, eventually.